Absurdism and Life

Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities -- the political, the religious, the educational authorities --- who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing -- forming in our minds -- their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable open-mindedness, chaotic, confused vulnerability to inform yourself. - Timothy Leary

As I sit here on my computer, listening to music, writing this blogpost which would probably be read by at most a few people and would not matter at all in the long term. I sit here pondering life as I am going to be moving to a new city and starting a new job very soon. I sit here filling my ears to the brim with the overblown drums of industrial music as I have a few unresolved arguments and conflicts in my relationships. I sit here finding the perfect quotes to fit inside of this blog post to make it an immersive read as I have no incentive to write this.

I think about life, I think about how I am supposed to have an "impact" on the world yet I am reminded of the sheer scale of our universe.

Relevant comic attached.

I think about how I am just one blob of carbon-based elements, some calcium, other elements, and a small mechanism that ensures my survival and start convincing myself that maybe I should stop doing anything at all since it all won't matter in the long term anyway.

My brain goes around, contradicting itself often, evaluating what I said to people throughout the day, what I did, what was missing from the day, what is left for me to do, and so on; until I decide to say fuck it.

The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.

Excusing my harsh use of words, I say "fuck this shit, we are all gonna be dead anyway."

We will all be dead eventually, some sooner, some later, but everyone will be dead and that's a truth that everyone has to accept eventually. And yet, for I know soon come my time for in mine void a pale horse burns but I fear not the time I'm taken past the point of no return; I would still say fuck it and do something with my life. I will happily dislike things that have no passion behind them, and I will happily obsess over the things I do care about. 

I will make it an issue if the people close to me perform any action that doesn't sit right with me (be it words or actions) but I would.  

I will like cliche stuff, I will like the stuff you consider cringe and I would do all that I want to do regardless of how much you might judge me on that because fuck you this is my life. 

I will happily probably misinterpret absurdism and I am probably not at all well educated in the different philosophical sects of absurdism and I honestly don't know if it derives from existentialism because fuck you, I will give it my own meaning and interpret it in a way that makes sense to ME.

I will be nice to people, I will care for random strangers, I will be overly dedicated to my loved ones and I will take every moment I get to let them know and I would also let them know if they hurt me in some way. I will do that and there's nothing you can do to stop because fuck you, this is my life, and I choose to do something with it.

I will spend the whole night waking up to work on some obscure programming project that probably only I will care about.

I am okay even after being done wrongly by a lot of people because honestly, I care about myself and my loved ones only and so I will.

I will self-indulge a lot, I will overly stimulate my senses the days I want to and would be reading books and meditating the other whenever I want to.

I might even hurt my loved ones sometimes and those days will also make me feel sad probably but them mattering over any petty argument to me will cleanse the palette very fast. 

As long as any activity helps me reach catharsis and doesn't hurt anyone, I will do it. Roll a boulder up a hill, and it rolls back down. And, I am gonna keep rolling the boulder up the times I want and sometimes let the boulder fall and play Elden Ring instead.

Relevant comic attached.